Monday, November 16, 2015

Fear Of Not Dying ........

When I was a child I used think the old fellows near sixty years must be leading miserable lives. The idea of death was terrifying to me but thankfully being young I assumed its happening to me was extremely unlikely therefore it did not touch me. But I thought old folks must be living in mortal fear of death happening to them anytime. Seeing them smile and having fun and generally going about their lives in usual manner surprised me. 

Now that I am past sixty death really doesn't terrify me. Now I live in present moment by moment thinking everyday I live is a bonus but what frightens me is NOT dying. The thought that I will live on and on and not die when I am fit and enjoying life terrifies me. Eventually my organs will fail me one by one this state doesn't appeal to me. I believe death is a terminus, cessation of existence therefore when I am gone nothing would matter and that really sets my mind at peace. 

Thursday, August 27, 2015


This wet morning I was driving home to a very thin traffic. Only few office goers briskly walking to the station, when I saw silhouette of a hooded man in light incessant drizzle, carrying a massive bag slung over his shoulder.  Immediately a thought occurred to me, rag picker and drug user. Another voice rose in my head and chastised roundly this reflex thinking….  Who are we to judge? This guy most likely has no other talent, even if he did he never got round to sharpen it besides to make use of your talent a guy needs opportunity perhaps he never was in right place at the right time…... so he chose this vocation, a dreary, boring tedious job that pays very little; so little that it destroys “Hope”. Without hope we do not make effort so this fellow lives on the fringe most of the time rummaging through leftover, picking copious amount of disposed plastic punched them flat and filling his bag …

What does he hope for after day long ordeal; pushed around by authority, derided by better off people and tired to very core of his bones! He seeks nirvana in fantasy, why grudge him his few moments of nirvana?

“Give him hope or shut up” I tell the wise guy in my head. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Bizarre Dream

[I had this dream early in the morning. Like a montage complete with climax, it was truly bizarre]

It looked like a construction site, a hole dug out under a high hill.  Everywhere scaffolding with littering of construction equipment; a part of the opening under the hill was turned into a big glitzy conference hall where a big crowd was in circulation. In the dream I was drifting along the hall when I met this inscrutable Korean businessman. The fellow looked careless and concerned at the same time; may be deep down something bothering him yet making pretense of no care in the world.  We move around without any visual conversation yet talked inanity and about his business interest. It appeared that he and his American partner imported things from China and sold the stuff everywhere. Somewhere down the road they had some a kind falling out but not quite parting of ways. Their business once successful but now irrevocably dissipating....

We drift along and move out of the hall into raw construction part of site deep under the hill. Some hectic work was going on with scaffolding, cranes, trucks around a tunnel like opening. I asked the Korean fellow what is this all about, he said amiably, the Chinese are constructing an underground motorway across the border. Apparently the Chinese had done their part except this end which was not in their work contract was behind schedule so all the activity to complete and open it to public. I asked, if he had been to China? All over China, he said, in connection with their purchases.

We get back into the hall and to his stall. There he is met with an exotic looking fellow complaining about payments. The Korean promptly opens his briefcase draws a cheque and hands it over to the stranger to his utter surprise. Suddenly there is commotion in the hall the crowd is panicky rushing out of the hall .....
 I too get out to check what the commotion is all about. There at the mouth of tunnel an American is hanging from the scaffolding, explosives strapped all over his body. The fellow was shouting to get the Korean to him. I rushed back to hall but there at the stall Korean was sprawled limp on the table, very dead. I hear shattering sound of explosion. 

I woke up to dark early morning chill. 

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Sting, Deception, Conspiracy, Threats and Palace Intrigue..... The farce that has become Aam Aadmi Party

I knew Kejriwal to be a stubborn, snooty individual but never imagined he would turn out to be a pathological hater. AAP professes to root out corruption from our polity but are means not equally important as ends are, like Gandhi said? The way drama in AAP unfolding it resembles court of Elizabeth; of brewing conspiracies, deceptions, and sting operations almost all means employed in palace politics.

AAP now in every way resembles an oligarchy centered around Kejriwal where all means are fair to not just snuff out opposition but crush it permanently. Not even Mulayam-Mayawati duet comes close. There is striking similarity between AAP and Congress party drama about their Chiefs resigning and the associated coterie rejecting it and the farcical charade of chief reluctantly acceding to it and taking back the resignation....

Up to a point these machinations are acceptable as political means but what is unacceptable is unleashing vendetta on personal basis

Is it beginning of the end may be not but more turbulence just round the corner.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Mother Teresa And Mohan Bhagwat.

Is there anything wrong in serving and trying to convert people from other folds into your own? Does it matter if the motive of Mother Teresa in serving people was to convert them into Christianity? She was merely following her religion faithfully, can you fault with that? Christianity and also Islam exhort their followers to bring faith to those who are not in their fold so a good Christian necessarily tries to convert others.  Mohan Bhagwat wants Christians to abandon their faith just because Hindus don't believe in conversion. It is not the fault of Christianity that Hindus don’t believe in conversion. Jews don’t believe in conversion so do Zoroastrians and they are in much less numbers than Hindus but they don’t feel insecure about it and have no issue with conversion!

In any case how does her lifetime’s work of serving less privileged is discounted merely because it was packaged with a dose of Conversion. We all act with some purpose, it is our driving force else we would be sitting idle in our place and waste away. Mohan Bhagwat is also acting with some purpose; it is his insecurity driving him about a false sense of a glorious and ancient religion in imminent peril. He is a like a delusional man clapping hard at a busy crossing when asked why he is doing it, says,
”I am driving away wild elephants”.
“But there aren’t any elephants in hundred miles!”
“See, how effective I am!”   

   Mother Teresa may have many faults, following her religion faithfully was certainly not one of them. When insecure pigmies are provided centre stage and are confused with great leaders, fascism couldn’t be far away.  

Let Mohan Bhagwat work with destitutes and lepers, tend sick and invalids over sustained periods then may be utter some nonsense about what it means to serve..    

Monday, February 23, 2015

May be occult is not all that fanciful ......

Science works sensibly only in the middle ground; at the extremes it is as irrational as occult and spiritualism.  At microscopic level the classical laws of science break down, the laws are less intuitive and reality is like concept of Maya. At atomic size level particles behaves as if they have a mind of their own. A particle can exist at several places at the same time until you pin it down by observing it this is because it behaves like a wave when not observed and particle when observed. Bizarre as it may seem but it is found to be true. Also a particle can go back in time to fit into observed reality as confirmed in double slit experiment; in addition it can borrow energy from future to cross impossible wall like barrier called quantum tunnelling and then there is particle entanglement where apparently disconnected particle separated by any amount of space behave as if they are connected.  Why this amazingly bizarre behavior of subatomic particles does not translate into macroscopic level? it is because we don’t deal with single particles but trillions of them collectively and trillions of them collectively behave sensibly  because they average out the quirkiness.

At astronomical scale too science becomes bizarre where laws of classical physics don’t work. There is warping of space, wormholes, Black-holes, Dark matter and Dark energy which like quantum mechanics are still in the realm mystery. Seems like empty space is really not empty but brimming with dark energy, the more the empty space the more dark energy it contains and this energy is  repulsive kind unlike gravitational glue it pushes galaxies away from each other. So expansion of Universe is not slowing down but acceleration because expansion creates more empty space therefore more dark energy.

So what is reality? If the sense of hard matter is an illusion then concept of Maya and all ervading consciousness of Brahman appears a good idea.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Is consciousness creation of our mind?

When we think we hear our thoughts, the sequence of logic and the confabulation that goes on in our head similarly when we read we hear ourselves reading. Without language complex thinking is not possible therefore hearing our thoughts is logical consequence of thinking. I think our wise ancestors (Now this is pure speculation) created concept of “Atman” or soul, something abstract quite not us but residing within the body due to this off shoot of thinking.

But often we make choices in split seconds for example if someone asks us to give opinion on some issue we come up with a point of view without going through visible sequence of logic to arrive at that choice or opinion; our mind merely hands down a decision to us thereafter we spend all energy to defend that choice. Not just that when we defend that opinion (called rationalization) we readily throw up arguments in favour of that choice or opinion obviously the choice made by our mind was not randomly picked but a lot of parallel processing went into making that choice without the knowledge of our conscious self therefore we are able to pick up arguments in that opinion’s favour. This entire game of thinking has no visibility where as leisured thinking is clearly visible to our conscious self. So what do we make of this?

Is consciousness a creation of our mind or does it transcend our Mind, brain and body!

I think when we will have machines with artificial intelligence capable of emulating human mind we will know if the these machines become self aware if they do, consciousness is a product of thinking process else it is transcends lives ..............

May be Buddha really was right.